Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I'm Sorry is All I Can Say, But Maybe Later?

You have to understand that I am not the kind of girl that guys are instantly attracted to. They seem to avoid me like the plague most of the time. All of a sudden, though, there have been some really good guy friends of mine have told me that they have more feelings for me than just being friends. I think they are great guys, and them even noticing me is beyond flattering, but I'm still dealing with things from my past. I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm letting people down, but I realize that a lot of things are my own sins that I am now paying for.

I will be the first to admit that I am so jaded by previous relationships (not "boyfriend" relationships even just friendships), but I see my own faults in this.

God tells us to guard our hearts. I believe that he means against sins, but I must admit that I think that there is more to it. I know that I've let people into my heart who haven't necessarily earned their way there. There are some who I feel have and have betrayed me. I have not guarded my heart. The pain that I've felt from those weak areas has effected me in so many ways. My current friendships reflect that and sadly, I'm sure future relationships will reflect it as well. However, right now I am trying to learn how to guard my heart and yet be real and honest at the same time.

I hope that I will have a little bit of grace extended to me. I have NEVER been put in this situation before.

Laying Down Myself
Kenzie Mason

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