Chapter 1...

No, I'm not writing a book and giving you a sneak preview. I know I would never finish it and like many people with the unpublished Stephanie Meyer's fifth book of Twilight, you would be held in suspense only to be disappointed by the never completed work. Now that I openly admitted my desire to read the fifth book of the Twilight Saga (because after reading the other four three times, they get kind of boring and you start feeling like you have no life and deserve to do more productive things with your days), I will continue on to my actual meaning for this post.

It feels like I'm starting all over again. There's a blank page in front of me and I get to scribble down my thoughts, desires, and dreams. I get to reinvent the system of my life, but yet I'm stuck in the Prequel. I'm stuck in losing some undeveloped characters in order to create new ones and I'm scared that the new ones might overshadow some of the old ones who used to be shining beacons into dim or extinct candles...
Maybe I should stop speaking in metaphor and just be real.
I'm scared of how my friendships will change. I have gotten to the point of acceptance now (and that's always the first step...isn't it?) My friendships WILL change. I'm just a little concerned about to what extent and the even scarier question...HOW SOON?
When a prequel ends, you put it down...wait about a year and then pick right up where it left off, but I'm not getting a break. I feel like a writer who just published a completed work only to turn around and start leaking the next book. I am constantly living and constantly changing. This means that my story and life change to, but I kind of wish I could have that year between books where I could take a deep breath in and out and live in the past for a few moments, but it's time.
Time has come for me to put down the old book, stop caring about the drama and insecurities and start, or maybe just continue, listening to the words of God. It's time for me to let Him lead the way and carry the light into the darkness and confusion in my life. Don't get me wrong...CHAPTER 1 is going to be awesome, but I just don't know exactly where it will leave me to go with CHAPTER 2. Oh well, it will be okay. I will cast my anxieties onto the Lord and know that He is God above ALL things.
Stay tuned as I start to write....

Chapter 1: My journey out of high school

Ryan and I at prom! 

We walk away from the past...

Justin, Holli, Rachel, Tori, Ryan, Lindsey, Jordan, Vanessa, and Jacob
ALL amazing people to spend prom with! 

We will look back on high school and smile because we lived every second of it.

Since freshman year, these girls have stuck by my side.
(Before graduation picture)

Now to move on into the rest of our lives!
Love you always.

Kenzie Mason
Laying Down Myself

Awake.

I'm laying in bed wide awake at 1:30 in the morning. I have school tomorrow and am desperately in need of sleep, but instead of having a clear mind and resting peacefully, I have a list of mistakes running through my mind. There are things I've done wrong in my life and as I lay here, his voice whispers in my ear. "You're a failure. Who would be proud of you? If people knew, would they look at you the same? You are worthless. No one loves you." Satan has a way of speaking into our mistakes and letting us think that these things define us. He has a way of making us feel guilt for a debt that has already been paid for and wiped off your record. 

That's right. He's lying to you. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He steals your joy and peace, kills your hopes and ambitions, and destroys you from the inside out, but only if you let him. Satan is stronger than we are often, but when God is on your side, you have the one who has conquered the thief and murderer. He was victorious that day when He rose from the dead. In doing so, he wiped away our sins so that we do not live as slaves, bound by the chains of sin, but free in the love and grace of God. 

Tonight, in my weariness, I claim His freedom. Satan can not tell me who I am; I already know who I am. I am a daughter of God and He adopted me into His family. He chose me before the foundations of the world were made. He thought of me when He sent His son to earth to die. He paid for my sins with innocent blood. I am free, not because I deserve it, I don't. Satan's right about that. I am undeserving of the grace, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I have had it freely offered to me. I am grateful now because I can go to sleep in peace knowing that it's all a lie. I sleep knowing that I have hope for tomorrow. 

Goodnight, Late Night Bloggers

Kenzie Nickole
Laying Down Myself

And the Countdown Begins

I am so excited for this next step in my life. I know I haven't posted on here in a while, but stuff has been so crazy! I'm sorry (: I really am trying. . . be patient with me! I'm only human, friends. I figured I'd take this time to catch you up on some stuff.

1) 2 Days Ago: I enjoyed spending four months with my boyfriend.
I don't know that I have ever talked about him on here. . .so SURPRISE! But it was a really fun day and I realized, once again, how blessed I am by his friendship. Being able to know that he loves God and his family is just amazing. He is a great encourager and we have fun doing stupid little things together, so yea. I don't know really what to say, but it was a good day for me and I smiled all day long so I thought I might as well share it. (:

2) 2 Days Until: My final college decision has to be made.
BUT! Unlike usual, I did not procrastinate and have made a decision. . . DRUM ROLL PLEASE!

I'm going to THE UNIVERSITY OF  LOUISVILLE.

I am so excited that this decision has been made and I am ready to be there already! I will be in Speed School with the intentions of studying Electrical Engineering. I hope to go through and get a Bachelors and Masters degree. I really am excited about all the adventures that are in store! I know God will be with me as I walk through these next years in my life.

3) 9 Days Until: My first AP Test for the year.
I'm nervous...it's Calculus...To be honest, I can't test out of it for Speed School sooo it's not necessary that I pass, but it really would be a confidence booster if I could just get a 4. Please, if you happen to think of me, pray for me to have clarity that day with minimal to no distractions. Pray that I recall what I have studied all year. I really would appreciate it! Then the next day I have to come in and take ANOTHER test :'( WAHHHH!!! But this one really counts! If I test out of this, I can bipass English in college. That would be a huge blessing. Again, I would love to have your prayers with me!

4) 19 Days Until: PROM!
To many, this seems insignificant, but to me, this is so exciting. I love prom just because last year, I had such a big role in planning it and I can't wait to see what the juniors this year have done. I love events; I love getting dressed up; I love dancing. What about prom don't I love? Plus, this year, I have a date. I am so excited! It's probably the last time that I will wear a long formal dress until the day I get married (that'll be a while ya'll, don't worry), so it's kind of a big deal in my mind. So anyways! I'll try to post pictures when I can (: Remind me if I don't!

5) 26 Days Until: GRADUATION!
I'm nervous, excited, happy, scared, emotional, and pretty much everything in between. I'm excited for summer and college, but I'm scared of the change. I'm stressed because I have to speak, and the last time I did that, there was a fire :O (If you say you want it, I'll write out the story, but for now, I'll just move on). I know it will be bittersweet to walk across that stage and to see my classmates walk as well. It will be a huge blessing, but so scary. But, I think I'm ready (:

So, there ya go! There's what you've missed hearing about! God really has been blessing me in huge ways! I hope that you all are doing great and guys, I love to hear from you. Your emails and messages have been great, but REMEMBER, you can subscribe! Thanks ya'll! Love you! <3

Laying Down Myself
Kenzie Nickole

Strange Little Things

I think it's funny that on a day like today with all the darkness and clouds, I've become thankful for something. Cold. I HATE cold, but there is something so refreshing about being cooped up and so hot you think you are going to die and then walking outside into the frosty air. Don't go getting all crazy thinking that I want cold weather for the rest of my life, but today, I have a new appreciation for the cold weather. I'm still counting down the days until summer officially starts as I can start wearing shorts and TShirts, but right now, in this time, cold will do just fine.

Guess it just goes to show that everything has it's seasons...even the weather.

Yea. I know I'm not funny. No need to tell me (;

Kenzie Mason
Laying Down Myself

10 I Will's and I Am's

I will smile every day because God has given me a reason to.
I will love my family and treat them with the care and respect that they deserve.
I will let go of the drama and remember who it is that I represent.
I will take each moment and run with it because God never intended our lives to be boring.
I will find the silver lining in every storm.
I will make mistakes and learn from them.
I will grow stronger every day.
I will not be complacent and stagnant in my faith.
I will try to understand grace in a new way with each opportunity that I have.
I will follow the will of God even when I don't understand.

I am a child of the one and only King.
I am more than just what people tell me that I am.
I am enthusiastic about what is coming up in my life.
I am kind of scared as well.
I am blessed in more ways than I have time to count.
I am  saved from my abundant sin only by grace.
I am loved by my friends and family though I don't deserve it.
I am unique.
I am not a fan.
I am waiting.

Kenzie Mason
Laying Down Myself

Special Request

Well, my best friend Holli looks at me today and told me that I haven't written a blog post in a long time and you know what...she's right. I said I would start getting back into the habit of writing on here more and to be honest, I had good intentions too. I just feel like now I have to filter myself. I have definitely been struggling a lot with negative talk. There are things going on and people around me who have stirred in me a desire to say ungracious and just plain right rude things. (I am supposed to be being honest here so for those of you who would like to say negative things about me because I struggle with these things and I am a Christian..go ahead..that's what the comment section is for.) I haven't wanted to give myself too much freedom to run so I have been limiting and filtering the things that I post on the internet. I finally feel like I might have a grip on myself and the situation now so I will continue (as long as Holli keeps asking (; ) to write this blog. I do feel like it is important for me to share my triumphs and my struggles because later in life I will look back and maybe be able to reflect on some of my stories. Some things might just amaze me and I'm sure, more than once, I'll laugh at how foolish I sound. I also just really enjoy writing and I am really happy to finally be over my "grumpy phase" and feel comfortable enough to continue publishing these blogs.

This blog isn't going to be long, however I promise to post another one on Thursday or Friday depending on my schedule...maybe even tomorrow if you're lucky.

I just want to say one thing that helped me get through the moments where I wanted to say and think negative things. I think that it is important that we associate with people who are going to encourage us and lift us up, however sometimes those same people are going to have to step into your life and correct you. Proverbs talks about the wise man who accepts godly council and the foolish man who rejects it, but I would like to give some equally biblical advice for the advice giver, because I know on multiple occasions I have found myself failing at this. Always speak with love. Whether you are lifting someone up or rebuking them, do it with love. I'm sure some of you are thinking about how that could be possible to rebuke someone out of love, but if the intentions of your heart are to put the other person down and humiliate them, you have the wrong intentions, however if you are a good friend of this person and you see them succumbing to peer pressure in certain areas, you have a duty to that friend because you love them so much and would never want to see them end up hurt, to advise them to come back to the Lord. Of course, you can not say it like that, but if you are really their friend, you will know how to handle the situation.

I want to thank a moment to my friends who sympathized with me on my struggles, but did not encourage me in my negative behavior. It is because I see you all living out your faith day-to-day that I was able to realize that God has better plans for me than meaningless and worthless chatter. James says something revolutionary. Just as a huge ship is steered by a little rudder and a horse by a bit in it's mouth, the tongue has the potential to control the body. It can lead you in the wrong direction, or it could be a tool that helps you praise the only one worth praising.

I know that I have failed, but I will keep trying.

Thanks for being patient with me! Love always <3

Kenzie Mason
Laying Down Myself

Silence is Key

I'll be honest. I wish some of the things I said and did today, I could take back only because I know it wasn't pleasing to the Lord.

Colossians 3:12-14 (Message)

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. 

AND REGARDLESS OF WHAT ELSE YOU PUT ON, WEAR LOVE. 

It's your basic, all-purpose garment. 

NEVER BE WITHOUT IT.

Wow. . . talk about humbling. I think of the things that I've said today that haven't been graced with love. Instead it has been stained and polluted with anger. 

I'm sorry for the lack of discipline and self-control. Those things are not from the Lord. Let God grant me the strength and the courage to follow His will. . . and stay silent in the face of adversity.

Kenzie Mason
Laying Down Myself