Story Time

I have a little story to tell... 

I had just finished my sophomore year of high school and I was sitting on the beach at an event held by Southeast called Bible and Beach. My best friend, Vanessa, and I were hanging out together and talking about the people playing volleyball and frisbee and the people in the ocean (which was an incredibly idiotic decision because of the numerous jellyfish, might I add). We couldn't decide what to do. As we were discussing this a volleyball flew out of a court and in between us. I tried to be nice by retrieving the stray ball and ended up stumbling into a conversation being had by a guy who I recognized as going to my school and Ryan Post (the worship leader for high school at Southeast). I picked up the volleyball, threw it back to the people who were playing, and decided that I would figure out what this guy's name was because I was certain I should know it. I waited until they broke off the conversation to then walk straight up to him and say, "Hey! I'm Mackenzie! You go to Whitefield right?" To which he so enthusiastically *catch the sarcasm* said, "Yes?...Well I just graduated." I felt myself only for a moment be embarrassed before I continued on trying to have a normal conversation with him. He seemed like he didn't really want to talk, but none-the-less, we chatted for a few minutes. It was long enough for me to get that his name was Ryan Lawrence. I decided I would look him up on Facebook when I got home, but surprisingly enough, when I got home from the trip, I had a friend request. We started chatting occasionally on Facebook, seeing each other at church on Sunday mornings, and eventually, we exchanged numbers. 

It's crazy to think that was two years ago. I can't say we were immediately best friends, but I can say that we have slowly but surely gotten very close. I consider him one of my best friends. We always laugh about how weird our meeting was. He was a graduated senior who had no interest in meeting anyone new (He's a loner :P And I'm only saying that cause I know he is going to read this) and I was a sophomore thinking that I would really like to know who this guy is. He always tells me that the moment I bounced up to him and started talking to him, he knew I was a freak. Well he's right, but apparently I'm cool enough to be friends with. 

I tell this whole story just to say that sometimes going out of your comfort zone a little bit makes all the difference. God puts things and people in your life for a reason, but if you are too scared to ever reach out your hand and grab at the opportunity, you're going to miss all of them.  I think about what could have happened with my life if I hadn't decided to be a goofy little sophomore, if Ryan hadn't been on the beach that day, if the volleyball hadn't flown past me. And I realize that stepping out of your comfort zone can not only benefit someone else, but you can gain a lot from it. Whether it's meeting new people, sharing Jesus with people, or just going against what the world says, going out of our comfort zones helps us grow. It changes things for us. So next time you're on a beach and a volleyball flies past you, know that you are about to meet one of your best friends...just kidding. Next time an opportunity is in front of you, but you're scared of looking a little foolish, just remember that nothing exciting or new ever happens if you always do the comfortable thing. 

Laying Down Myself
Kenzie Mason

 

Blah Blah Blah

I've been thinking and thinking and thinking about what is on my mind that is so groundbreaking that it deserves a post on the good ol' blog. Honestly, I don't have much that I really know what to say. Honestly, I feel like my life is in a complete whirlwind right now. I feel like certain friendships are falling together while others are utterly falling apart, college decisions are waiting very impatiently around the corner, school work is...well there's not too much of that, but what is there still stinks, the chaos of trying to keep a semi-thriving social life is getting complicated, and after school activities should be called "every single spare second of your time" activities. All of this while trying to serve the Lord. I'm not going to lie, I'm getting kind of exhausted, but I heard a Scripture today that has helped a little bit. God calls us to abide in Him. That means that as I go throughout my daily activities, He is with me, giving me peace and rest as I need Him to. My God is an amazing God and every day I consider it a blessing to be able to take up His name. He's my best friend and my first love.

It may not be groundbreaking, but it's life-making.

Laying Down Myself
Kenzie Mason

Dreams...

I laid down last night to go to bed with a completely restless mind and it showed through my dreams. It wasn't one of those action packed or scary dreams. It was a dream about the future. 

It all started with me, but older (like 35ish). I sat at a desk with a notebook in front of me and writing throughout the entire thing. All words in my handwriting with my thoughts, things I haven't mentioned often or just seem to think in the recesses of my mind. Worries, hopes, ambitions, opinions, and more were scribbled in my chicken-scratch on the worn out looking page. I watched myself flip restlessly through the book absorbing every word. Then I saw a faint smile creep onto my face. It was refreshing from the concentrated look that had been there. I wondered what I was laughing at. So as I glanced over my own shoulder to read the words on the page, I noticed the bold title written at the top of the page:

My Plan

I knew exactly why I was laughing. What was written on that page in no way matched the life of the older Mackenzie that I saw reading. It was refreshing to know that my plan wasn't the one that mattered. My plan was simple and like every other girls plan:

• Graduate
• Get married
• Get my dream job
• Buy a beautiful house
• Have kids
• Raise them well
• Retire well

This was my plan. I don't know the life of the older Mackenzie, but I do know one thing, it didn't go exactly according to my plan. It was His plan that ended up shining through my life. I saw my eyes fill with tears as I ripped the page out of the notebook looked at it intently then crumpled it up and threw it into the garbage. I have a feeling that as good as my plan is, His will is so much better. 

I can't wait to see what happens...

Laying Down Myself
Kenzie Mason

When It's My Time

I'd dare to say that every person deals with fear in their own ways. Some people run from what they are afraid of while some try to confront it head on. I know for me, I'm usually in the first group. If I'm afraid of something I do everything in my power to get as far away from it as humanly possible. Like spiders for instance. I feel sorry for my future husband because God knows how many spiders he's going to have to kill. Or shots. I already know the misery I've put my mom through being scared of needles. I will beg, plead, and cry in order to avoid things like this. But there's one fear that is completely unescapable.
I don't know about you but death used to be the scariest thing. I feel like many people buy into this fear of death when really, there is nothing to fear at all if you are a believer. There is hope even in death.
I don't remember if it was the earthly aspect of dying or the eternal. I know that the earthly aspect still fascinates me. Not like a creepy murderer fascination but a fascination on how I die will make me be remembered. Let me explain, I feel like if someone dies on the battlefield, it effects the way that people remember them. Likewise, if someone commits suicide, it changes the way that the family remembers them. I want to know what connotation my death will leave. I've honestly gotten over how I'm going to die though. Sure, I'd like to know, but it honestly doesn't scare me anymore because I remember that God has a plan for me.
The other thing I've always wanted to know is how my death will effect others. I'd hope that no one questions their faith in God because of my death. Whether I die today or in 80 years, I want my family to remember that God has a plan and after I die I will be in heaven. I want to know what my funeral will be like. I've thought about this a lot actually. I want to have sunflowers and a lace dress on. I want it to be a celebration and remind people of the good things in life. I want to have my favorite foods there and I want there to be a time of worship and not like "Amazing Grace". I want like "10,000 Reasons". I don't know how it will end up, but that's ok. I don't have to fear that either.
Lastly, I worried about eternity. The moment I put my faith in Christ, I no longer had to fear that. I am saved by the grace of God and that is more than enough. I consider myself blessed.
My biggest fear is no longer a fear of mine. That doesn't get to happen for a lot of people.

What if...

What if tomorrow never comes for me?

What if my faith is questioned? 

What if I fail?

What if I don't?

What if my school could be radically different?

What if kids my age cared more about people than the brand of their clothes?

What if I made a difference in someone's life? 

What if I really invested my time in Kingdom things?

What if my first love moves to be my second love?

What if worship was redefined?

What if the kind of joy I had radiated through the halls at my school?

What if people noticed a difference in me?

What if my faith moved mountains? 

What if I devoted more time to studying Scripture?

What if love never ended? 

What if God answered every prayer with yes? 

What if I decided that I will lay down my life to live for Jesus?

Laying Down Myself
Kenzie Mason

I'm Sorry is All I Can Say, But Maybe Later?

You have to understand that I am not the kind of girl that guys are instantly attracted to. They seem to avoid me like the plague most of the time. All of a sudden, though, there have been some really good guy friends of mine have told me that they have more feelings for me than just being friends. I think they are great guys, and them even noticing me is beyond flattering, but I'm still dealing with things from my past. I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm letting people down, but I realize that a lot of things are my own sins that I am now paying for.

I will be the first to admit that I am so jaded by previous relationships (not "boyfriend" relationships even just friendships), but I see my own faults in this.

God tells us to guard our hearts. I believe that he means against sins, but I must admit that I think that there is more to it. I know that I've let people into my heart who haven't necessarily earned their way there. There are some who I feel have and have betrayed me. I have not guarded my heart. The pain that I've felt from those weak areas has effected me in so many ways. My current friendships reflect that and sadly, I'm sure future relationships will reflect it as well. However, right now I am trying to learn how to guard my heart and yet be real and honest at the same time.

I hope that I will have a little bit of grace extended to me. I have NEVER been put in this situation before.

Laying Down Myself
Kenzie Mason

Bubble Bubble Toil and Trouble

I have never really had an appreciation for Shakespeare. I understand that he has written some classic plays, but it has never particularly appealed to me, yet today, I sat in AP Lit and was completely taken aback by what I heard. We read through the play Macbeth throughout last week and to be honest, I tried to pay attention but when you don't really understand what is being said, it makes it hard. Today, we looked back at an aside that is said by Macbeth. I think that it is a really good representation of sin. I won't go into gory details, but Macbeth is an esteemed man and one of great character, Many people admired him for that, but when temptation crept into Macbeth's path, he chose to stumble into it.

Had Macbeth been around more people that would keep him accountable for his actions, would his desire for the crown still overrule the sorrow he had about murder?

I know many of us are not struggling between whether or not we should murder someone, but let's make this more real. Maybe you're struggling deciding whether or not you will go back to that website. I mean, is it really hurting or even effecting anyone other than you? Yes, what about your spouse who will have to live knowing that her body is not the only one that you enjoyed. And God who created you for much more than that. Maybe you're struggling whether or not to tell a lie or not. I mean, it's not like it's going to change much, but it might just be enough to impress the guy you like, even if only for a moment. Maybe, you are deciding whether or not to pull out that razor and just cut your wrists. It's different for all of us, but there is one thing I know about sin. It comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

It creeps in in some of the most subtle ways and before long, it rampages through your life. It destroys everything. You lose your good character to a mistake. Just like Macbeth.

A popular band, Mumford and Sons wrote a song about this. It clearly references Macbeth and even uses a few lines from the play. I hope that you see that sin is not something to play around with. You think it won't change who you are if you only do it one time, but I promise you from personal experience, if you don't ask God to immediately intercede and strengthen you, that sin will be a foothold for Satan.

I've been there.

I also want to post one more song. It really encourages me that even when I do struggle with sin barging in on my life, it does not define me because Christ has overcome sin and made me new again. 

Laying Down Myself
Kenzie Mason